Take careIn a way, I'm thankful it happened when I was around in the weekends. All was okay in the morning when I sent him to the family doctor for his gout. His swollen joint on the left foot that has been there for quite some time and not effective with medication. I was coincidentally there too to get my own medictation. I ate breakfast with him, sent him to the shop. And I thought that was the end of it.
Later in the noon, he called mum to send him to the clinic again. It seems he was feeling nausea and sweating cold sweat. I was having my short nap but instinct told me to drive mum out. The family doctor checked his ECG and was told to send him to hospital immediately. I'm thankful too that I had my ATM card with me. Paid cash RM1000 deposit to the hospital. After all, I'm still credit card-less. So that's how he ended up there. By night time, the news that my dad was staying in 'five-star hotel' had spread throughout the family circle and his friends.
Maybe I should have stayed with him for the night in the hospital but he said it wasn't necessary. I might take emergency leave then. I think I need to be there for him. After all, I only have one earthly dad but I can always find work elsewhere. But then now, work is piling up too. Lord, open his heart for Your touch.
Sadness
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7.51 pm
My Imprisonment in Penjara Kepong
Perhaps I’ve committed a crime that I myself didn’t realise. Consequently, I’m sentenced to imprisonment, thankfully with parole. Else, I’ll be much lonelier that this. Thank God that while I’m being punished for my shortcomings, I’m still able to go home every weekend. Not only that, I still can use my strengths to do community service, being paid monthly. Thank God I can still see the outside world, even though it’s more limited these days. Most importantly, I can drive anywhere I want, even though I seldom do so because of the limited parking space.
Thank God I still possess the privilege to go online while doing my service. At least I’m not totally shut out from technologies. I guess I need to get used to the life here. Even though language is still a problem for me here, I really do hope to patiently go through this ordeal. I still hope to be released soon. But while I’m still here, I shall learn as much as possible. How long shall I wait, one year? Many more?
I look forward to go home every weekend. That’s when I get to see my family members, especially my parents. However, there’s still reluctance for me to stay at home. When I’m at home, I feel like running away from home. But where can I go to? I only have hometown or Penjara Kepong here. I feel the tension at home. The distance between my relationship with those at home. I want to go to a home where a family is a close-knit unit where everyone talks and share lives.
I guess I still need to be thankful that my parents are still around. And I do hope to make their lives easier, not harder before their time is up. But sometimes, I just feel like giving up because I can’t physically do it all by myself. I need my siblings’ help. But I guess I’m not getting any. Maybe this is another punishment of mine that I really deserve in my life.
Perhaps it’s good that I’m in prison now, with parole. With my presence less at home, that can ultimately lead to less arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings and fights. Maybe then we can be closer? But for now, I seem to be drifting further apart from them. As if I’m losing touch with God, them and myself. Every bad thing that happens will surely be followed with blessings, I once heard people say. Maybe there’s a glimmer of hope in all this. Perhaps I just need to be more prayerful and patient.
I’m here in my cell right now, typing away with radio in my background. Well, after today’s community service, I don’t know why I feel so exhausted and weak. Guess I should be resting soon. I think I’m going to have a fever. But no one will know. I just need to take care of myself here. Not many friends here in prison. Sometimes, I feel immensely lonely. But then again, this is my punishment right?. May I learn my lesson soon that crime doesn’t pay.
Take care mum and dad. I love you guys always. Forgive me for causing such worries and troubles. I really don’t mean to cause such misery to the family. Sorry I can’t really take care of you guys as what a child should do when she grows up and her parents getting older. Hope there’ll still time to make up to this.
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